Tosca Reno


Tuesday, August 26, 2008

And here it is!

Hi. Just came back from the airport where our family went to say goodbye to Kiersten (my 20 year old daughter) who is going to study in Leiden, The Netherlands for a year. Holland is my where my heritage lies so I am excited for Kiersten to see it through her own eyes. My cousin Leny and her husband are picking Kiersten up from Schiphol and driving her to her little apartment in Leiden - a very old and beautiful university town.

Right now I am not shedding tears but this morning I had to run into the trees behind our house and have a good cry by myself. I was sobbing so hard I did not want to scare anyone. Only the dogs heard me and started barking. Then I stopped and said to myself, "Okay lady, this is one year and you should be happy for your daughter. You can choose to be happy or choose to be sad." And really I am happy for her so I figured I should dry up and show her I am okay. Besides I am sure to visit her as much as poss. So here I am ....

Okay, so the eating has been going well except that with all the emotions I have been craving carbs like mad. And the added stress has accelerated my weight loss. That is what happens to me. I have stopped any extra cardio just for these last few days so I don't lose too much muscle mass.

Eating today has also been sketchy but here goes:

Breakfast at 9:00 am
2/3 cup oatmeal + 2 tablespoons ground flax seed
500 ml water
4 egg whites
black coffee

Lunch 1:30 pm - notice I broke the very important rule of not skipping meals!!
2 cups salad leaves + 5 ounces water packed tuna
fennel tea

Dinner 5:00 pm
(This was our last meal together with all the girls before we headed to the airport)
5 ounces lean bison
1 cup steamed broccoli
1/3 cup brown rice
250 ml water

I may well be hungry tonight but first I have to work out - it is chest and back! Then I will probably have a few egg whites before bed. As you can see I really did not eat enough or frequently enough today. Stress is a bugger. Tomorrow hopefully will go better.

Please send me any stories you may have had about your own goodbyes and how you survived it. I know it is not the end but it makes me feel better to know I am not alone.

Love you all!


  1. hen I left for my first year of college last year, it was hard for both me AND my parents, since we're all very close; but we knew that we would NOT be saying good-bye for the last time, and would be corresponding by phone and email everyday, so all worked out for the best :0) Hang in there!!

    By the way, I FINALLY received a copy of "The Eat Clean Diet" in the mail today - it's been on back-order for almost two months, so I'm looking forward to reading it!!

  2. My heart broke for you when I read about your tears in the trees. I don't have kids myself, but I feel for you Tosca and can totally relate to what you are going through. I have had a few very sad goodbyes in my time...

    - Leaving for uni when I was 17
    - Leaving for Italy (for a year) to study abroad
    - Leaving my boyfriend for 5 months at the start of our relationship (I was living in Australia and he was living in America)

    God bless the telephone! And now the internet, where you can send pics or do Skype.

    Day by day things will get better... and believe it or not, time will fly and you'll look back on this like it was years ago.

    Chin up,

  3. Goodness, to read this blog. I must say that it meant a lot that you wrote it and were so honest about how you were feeling...right down to how your eating differed because of it. You are a real person and it makes it even greater to learn from you. Thank you for sharing your clean eating and your life with us. Just know that being sad is okay. This is just a hard thing in life. My mom said good-bye to me as I left for Africa and then I said good-bye to them as they left for Africa and I stayed in the states...for 6 years. We both cried a lot. But today, we're together again and the good-byes are a distant memory. Let yourself cry and miss her and then enjoy all of the communication you know you'll have with her. There are some things about being a mom that are really hard! At the same time, how cool that your relationship with her is so great that this seperation is so hard!

  4. Saying good bye is always hard, I left SC 5 years ago and have only been able to see my Mom and Dad 2 times and the last time was about 3 years ago. Distance is hard and I find myself writing a lot. Some I send, some are better that I do not, but it is good to erite it all out.

    It is good to keep in touch as much as is possible via email, letter writing and phone calls.

    I am sure it will get easier after some time and after all like you said, it is only a year! :)

  5. Hi Tosca,
    I just read your blog and it made me cry!! I am at work so I had to close my office door - thanks a lot!! JK :)

    As much as we love our children and want to always be there to protect them, one of the best gifts we can give them is the opportunity for them to get to know themselves and to learn to be independent. It is obvious from some of your previous blogs, and this last one, that you are doing just that! You are a great mom!!

    I really do understand, I have two boys, well, young men, 19 and 21 and I have an 8 year old daughter. Reading today's entry and imagining myself saying good bye to my daughter made the tears start for me! Hang in there, and be proud, your angel is spreading her wings!

  6. I don't have any goodbye stories....yet, but I know they are coming.

    Hang in there!


  7. I had to say the BIG goodbye to a family member earlier this summer. Stressful as hell of course. Time is a healer. Also I just kept busy. There's always something in our daily lives that demands our focus and attention. Life has, and will, go on ;)

  8. Kimberly- Cardio CoreAugust 27, 2008 at 12:14 PM

    my kids and i have our little mantra whenever we have to leave things(vacation spots, each other, whatever it is...)

    "The best thing about leaving is knowing that we are always coming back!"

  9. Hi Tosca,
    I just read your blog and I feel your pain. My eldest son is leaving for University on Saturday and although he is not going far (Oshawa) its such a huge step. Just yesterday he was my baby boy !!! Since I am divorced he splits his time between his dads place and mine so I don't get to have him 24/7 but I already miss him like crazy !! But I am sure we will keep in touch via e-mail, msn and cell phone.

    I have been following your eat-clean adventure for quite awhile now and own all of your books. You are an inspiration and best of luck with your upcoming competition.


  10. Hi Tosca!!

    I have watched my Mum go thru the same thing when I left for 6 months..IIIII WAS A MESS TOO! But it made us so much closer.

    My Mum is now doing the same with her youngest, my baby brother who is off to university for ?? years?

    She is sick to her stomach all day. I wish you strength and my advice is to talk to her all the time and its okay to miss her like crazy but know that you taught her well and let her spread those beautiful wings :)

    Now now..not to lecture but don't you break those girls. You need nutrients especially when your going through that and are taking in some low cals...:) take care Tosca! Love JennaB

  11. Hi Tosca, I just dropped off my oldest daughter at college and I miss her terribly. I do ok and then for no apparent reason I sob. I try to remember that we did a great job raising her and that she is a wonderful human being - bright, articulate, self-assured and full of life. I guess we owe it to the world to share her. I also try to keep in mind what a great experinece she is having and how many opportunities will come her way. It is just so hard to let go. We are in touch everyday though and that is a comfort - I actaully learned to text so I could leave her little messages here and there throughout the day. I do feel your pain but just try to remember what a great experience you daughter is having and how that experience may impact her life in such a positive way. Take care and we all love you. Jackie

  12. Hope you feel better Tosca.

    I went away for a year to Australia to study and it was the best experience I ever had.

    You should feel proud of yourself as a mom to give your child that experience as travelling/living abroad is one of the greatest things a young person can go through.

    It gets easier. Hang in there.

  13. I hope that this can give you a little chuckle. My son is 4 years old, and my little girl is 7 weeks. While I was pregnant with her my sister-in-law took my son to spend the night with her two boys. I'm a stay at home Mom, and my son has never been without me or his Dad for a full night. From the time they pulled away from my house I stood in my bedroom window waiting for them to come back, because my son missed us.

    The hours went by and I began to cry. I couldn't stop! The tears just kept coming down, so I called my Sis-in-law. She said he was busy playing with her boys and having a good time. Needless to say I cried myself to sleep that night! The next morning I got a phone call from my little man! I asked him if he missed me, he said "yep, I'm going to go play some more" then handed the phone to his aunt! I was heart broken, he didn't even want to talk to me, lol!

    He will start school in another year, and I know that will just be another tear filled day. I sit here after reading your blog about sending your daughter to the Netherlands and I can't imagine what you went through, when I was only apart from my son for a night! Give me strength when it's time to let go of my babies, and Bless you!


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