REMEMBERING

Planting mums and daffodils for Robert.

This past Sunday I was invited to the church where we held the service for Robert and incidentally also where we held Braden's funeral service a year ago.  My sister Martina and I attended the celebration of Mass on Sunday, October 28 to remember Robert and others who had passed in recent months.  Later there was an opportunity to pray for Robert at the cemetery.  I was glad for my sister's support during the Mass because I had thought I would be able to manage but until Robert's name was mentioned I was fine.  Just hearing his name sent me sobbing remembering what I had lost.  Yet I want so much to honour him in all I do so I knew it was right to feel both the pain and the happiness.  Yes, happiness.  I have so much to be grateful for don't I?  Robert taught me so much, gave me so much, helped me grow so much … I can't imagine my life any other way.  I can grieve and be grateful at the same time.  Being in the church at the very place where we celebrated Robert 6 months ago made me connect once again to the weight of that day.

After Mass, my sister and I stepped into rubber boots (Wellies as Robert would have called them) and bore the brunt of rain and cold to plant mums and daffodils at Robert's grave in Greenwood Cemetery in Georgetown.  The headstone had just been installed.  It is an imposing piece of pink granite, Bob's favourite, mined from the Canadian Shield.  The deep burgundy mums we planted looked fine against the rough pink stone and I know the bright yellow daffodils will stand beautifully tall in the spring sun next year just as the daffodils on the hill at our home will look next April.  Martina and I planted similar flowers at Braden's grave.  Father and son united under the heavens.

When we finished planting both of us were completely soaked and covered in mud but we are glad to have taken care of our men and memories as we had.  I take Robert with me everywhere I go because I am a better person for having him in my life.  There are many days that I feel it is impossible to bear his loss but there are many more that are filled with hope, his lasting gift to me.  Robert, I am grateful to you.

Love and gratitude,
Tosca